Six Takeaways From The Best Year of My Life
my fiance and I enjoying a sunset at home
I branded 2023 the year of "growing up" for myself. From building equity in a home to getting engaged, I've come into my own as an adult. And it feels good - good enough that I christened 2023 the best year of my life in this article title(although 2024 is on track to beat it).
However, it hasn't been easy.
Now, bear with me for a quick pivot. As a marketer for my services, I have to decide what to write about and when.
For example, I've spent the last three weeks writing about health and wellness topics.
ICYMI: Recent Health and Wellness Articles
Self-Compassion: Everyone Needs It, But Is Everyone Getting It?
And a bonus from the archives: 5 Tips for Managing Mental Health for Freelancers
I planned to spend the next month, including tomorrow, writing about content marketing. What is it? How do you become one? Why does the job description sound suspiciously like what you already do as a copywriter or SEO strategist?
I have to think strategically about what to write and when, so ideally, you'll be driven to buy my services based on when I advertise them. (This, in a nutshell, is one of the end goals of content marketing.)
Although it can be hard to advertise my services around certain topics, health and wellness are a great example. While it's one of my content pillars, I don't have any direct offerings(yet).
When I start writing about content marketing, life will get easier on that front. We'll chat about it, and it'll be natural to offer you my services or ask you to recommend me to anyone you know.
But I'll discuss the ins and outs of content and marketing next week - and the benefits of building a sustainable community instead of always going for the sell.
I've decided to spend one last week on health and wellness topics by sharing with you my biggest takeaways from the years leading up to the best year of my life so far.
Maybe they'll resonate with those of you who went through similar periods of individuation or speak to you as someone trying to figure out exactly who you are- which, by the way, is a question you'll always be answering.
#1. Accountability, Not Shame
Do you beat yourself up when you make a mistake? Apologize in excess for nothing at all?
Lindsay Gibson, PsyD, points out in her work that the human conscience isn't wired to self-blame, self-judge, and self-sabotage. In fact, our brains are incredible resources that note mistakes and missteps so that we don't make those same mistakes again.
While mental illness can certainly play a factor, highly self-shaming thoughts are often the result of negative childhood experiences. We often don't notice that our shaming thoughts as anything but normal because they're all we've ever known.
But when you spill coffee on your boss or even make a big mistake, like losing your temper with a child, holding yourself accountable and apologizing is a healthy way forward for the offended party and for your own psyche.
There's no need to punish yourself for being human.
It honestly feels a little silly to write something so obvious, but I keep writing because I remember I didn't feel as if I could make a mistake and keep my positive self-image a year ago.
Now I do.
#2. The people you love will disappoint you
This one sucks. Sorry. But it's life. In fact, you will disappoint the people you love. Humans harm each other. Sadly, sometimes we do it on purpose. We often do it by accident. It will hurt more if you try to avoid this inevitable part of being in relationship with others. I don't have a lot to say about it, except this.
It's not really about what's said. It's about how you apologize to one another - or don't.
#3. A stable, boring life is a sexy life
First, a disclaimer: stability may look like your white picket fence and two and a half kids. Stability may look like a nomadic existence. I would define stability by these two things:
a deeply rooted sense of self that gives rise to your own desires for your life - desires that may change over time
Having your material needs met(food, clothing, shelter, clean water, access to health care)
However you choose to live your life, it's the ordinary moments that make life rich with meaning. Taking the car for an oil change. Mowing the grass on a sunny August morning. Buying a new backpack from a friendly local. Drinking a margarita on the banks of the Seine. Whatever floats your boat.
I think you'll be surprised to find that when you're leading a life authentic to who you are, nothing is truly that boring. And when it is, those moments pass.
#4. Your needs matter
This phrase has become a buzzphrase, if you will, in health and wellness spaces. So let me tell you exactly what I mean because it's very easy to say, "Yes! My needs matter!" when you're reading a self-help book but difficult when you have to actually prioritize them.
I mean that your needs are equal to any other human being's needs, no matter what the power dynamic is. As an adult child, your need for boundaries matters as much as your parents' needs for over-involvement in your life.
As an employee, your need for a sick day matters as much as your boss's need to get this done this afternoon with no notice, please.
As a mother, your need to be your own person matters as much as your child's need to be touching you constantly.
It is very easy to let go of what we need in the face of an unbalanced power dynamic. However, basic human respect is the foundation for every healthy relationship. There will be times when we choose to sacrifice our own needs, and that's totally fine!
Particularly parents and caregivers may choose to forego their own needs for the needs of a dependent human. But it's important you have your boundaries and your own understanding of just how much you're willing to sacrifice - particularly because giving of yourself from a place of resentment benefits no one.
#5. We can do hard things
To steal the title of Glennon Doyle's podcast, we can do hard things. We have the capacity to sit with uncomfortable feelings, initiate hard conversations, or take a leap of faith in a relationship even if we're not certain we're actually worthy of unconditional love.
Hard things I've done in the past few years include:
Forging my own career path with no map
Staying in a romantic relationship with my now-fiance, even though I was on edge for the first few months about being left and felt like I constantly had to prove myself.
Set boundaries with my childhood primary caregivers
Had conversations about growing apart with childhood friends
Navigated grief around losing my senior year to the COVID-19 pandemic and losing my grandfather
And made mistakes - and owned up to them.
These aren't comfortable experiences. But the alternative is running away. When we avoid feeling deeply, we aren't only avoiding the really awful feelings - we're avoiding the incredible joy life has to offer us. Don't miss out on that.
#6. Time and energy are limited resources. Love isn't.
In other words, use your time and energy wisely. Give love freely, and don't expect love to always look or feel warm and cushy. You can love someone and set hard boundaries with them. In fact, you can love everyone! You can love the whole world and relate very differently to your nuclear family than you do to strangers or perpetrators of violence.
Loving others doesn't mean excusing them for their actions or their need to be held accountable for certain actions. In fact, love doesn't really make guarantees. It just is.
It is open and accepting and infinite, and when we hold humans in love instead of contempt, we can act from a place of openness - not close-mindedness. The world needs a little more openness right now.
Don't get mad at yourself, though, for being a couch potato or dating a guy who was an energy vampire. Remember what I said earlier? We all make mistakes. Let your love for yourself be limitless, too.
Final Thoughts on These Lessons
A year ago, I was an uncertain young woman with no idea what she would prove to herself within a year. Today, I am more confident, relaxed, and self-assured. If even one of these takeaways from my growth year resonates with any of you or feels worth sharing, my work is done.
And I hope you do share. Share with me what landed for you and what you remember about the formative times in your life - and confirm my suspicion that these are lessons we never stop learning.
I'll leave you with a podcast recommendation that ties in nicely: Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson.
I'll see you next week to talk about content marketing, friends. Happy Monday.
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