Earlier this week, my Inside Then Out (10/10 recommend) journal prompted me: "What are some old beliefs of yours?"

I shared in last week's blog post that last year felt like growing up to me, so this wasn't hard to reflect on. Here's what I wrote:

"I'm not enough. Nothing I do could ever make me worthy of joy. I'm not successful. I deserve to fail. I don't deserve to be happy."

I put my pen down, smiling at this list of self-hating words. Smiling because I knew they weren't true. Smiling because I recognized parts of me that just wanted to be loved and seen. 

As one of my clients mentioned in a recent blog post I was editing for her earlier this week, "Emotions are often seen as a weakness in medicine." And you know what? I think that's true not only in medicine but in our professional lives. 

Talking about our inner worlds is often invalidated in professional realms. Yet, when I shared my personal experience about finding new ways of relating to the idea of being kind last week, it landed for people. 

That same client went on to argue that healthcare practitioners often learn best when presented with knowledge that's centered around the human experience. That acknowledges the difficult emotions they deal with and their day-to-day realities instead of sanitizing any of it. 

I argue that this is true broadly. If we're going to talk about our professional lives, give and take professional advice, and relate to each other via social media in a professional capacity, we need to do it with compassion, remembering that on the other side of our screen are a whole lot of human beings just trying to find their place in the world, too. 

And compassion, like any quality worth cultivating, starts within us. 

Self-compassion plays a vital role in promoting overall health and well-being as well as psychological resilience. It's incredible how our mindset can shift when we believe we are worthy of good things without needing to earn them. When we allow negative thoughts and beliefs to be passing, not permanent.  Let's talk about the significance of self-compassion, effective strategies to cultivate it, and its impact on mental health - all research-backed, of course. 

What is Self-Compassion?

Self-compassion, as coined by Dr. Kristin Neff, refers to the ability to treat oneself with kindness and understanding, especially in the face of failure or when experiencing suffering. It's not an escapist way of dealing with life.

You aren't giving yourself a free pass when you hurt someone, for example. I like to think of self-compassion as befriending yourself. When you love who you are, you can treat yourself as a friend.

It encompasses three core components: self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. In essence, it involves being warm and understanding towards oneself when encountering personal inadequacies or life's challenges.

Rather than ignoring pain or being self-critical, self-compassion empowers you to embrace your imperfections with kindness and understanding.

Sound hard? It can take a lot of practice.

But consider this insight by psychologist Lindsay Gibson.

"Many people think self-critical thoughts are the voice of their conscience, but that’s not true. Legitimate conscience guides you; it doesn’t make sweeping indictments of how good or bad you are."

In other words, that little voice in your head that criticizes your every move? It isn't yours to carry. 

Why is Self-Compassion Important for Mental Well-being?

Self-compassion serves as a protective factor for mental health by giving you an arsenal of mental weapons, so to speak, against self-criticism and negative thought patterns.

Like any muscle, self-compassion grows stronger with time, making you less prone to believe your judgemental thoughts. It can also act as a buffer against anxiety and depression, offering individuals a more balanced perspective during challenging times.

I'm not going to tell you that it's a cure-all or antidote for every mental health struggle. However, so many mental health issues boil down to one thing: not liking who you are. 

Self-compassion and self-esteem share a complex relationship, with the former being an important contributor to the latter. While self-esteem often hinges on individual achievements or social approval, self-compassion provides a stable foundation for self-worth, regardless of external validation.

It tells you that you are enough because you are. Because you exist. Nothing to prove, a teacher of mine used to say. Nothing to prove.

By detaching how much you love yourself from other people's opinions, you can create a more solid foundation of love for the person that you are and a more rich relationship with your inner world.

Why Does This Matter?

You might be thinking, sounds great! I'd love to love myself more. But I just want to get my work done today. Can self-compassion help me do that? 

Yes, it can. Have you ever wanted to stop working because you were tired, but felt too guilty or figured you just didn't have the time? 

Compassion is the cornerstone for taking good care of yourself. The more you cultivate it, the more you begin to prioritize your needs. Not over anyone else's, but as equal to everyone else's.

The more you cultivate self-compassion, the more you tend to trust your inner experiences - including gut feelings that tell you something is off or physical sensations trying to tell you that you're too tired to do a certain activity. 

Self-compassion is as much a buzzword as self-care now, but it comes down to this: at the end of the day, no one can force you to love yourself enough to prioritize your basic needs. You have to know that you're inherently worthy of a roof over your head, food on the table, and love. You have to know you're worthy of rest. And you have to know your limits. 

As I walk through the world today, I often see a lot of people pouring from empty cups. 

Whatever matters to you in this life - whether it's a certain cause, your family, or your work - it can't be done and done well unless you take care of yourself first. 

Self-compassion isn't selfish. It's necessary and very, very loving. 

By developing a compassionate mindset, we strengthen our ability to empathize with and support those around us. This reciprocity of compassion creates a positive cycle, fostering a nurturing and supportive social environment that contributes to the well-being of everyone. 

How cool is that?

How to Practice Self-Compassion in Daily Life

"Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." - Victor Frankl

There are a lot of choices for how you practice self-compassion now, from apps to cute books to therapy groups. Pick your medicine. Like gratitude, I think it starts with attention. Attention to yourself. To your body. To your emotions. Maybe attention where it's not normally given.

As Frankl reminds us, there is space - if we choose to pay attention to it - where we can choose to grow. Maybe we would have pushed through at work before upon noticing we were tired. Perhaps now, we choose to take a power nap. 

Many of us don't have the luxury of truly restful practices. In a society that doesn't support compassionate relating, it's rebellious to carve out time to care for yourself. 

"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence; it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare." - Audre Lorde

Self-compassion doesn't truly need journals or books. It simply needs attention to the heart, and perhaps a lack of shame when we find ourselves unable to practice meditation or journaling or whatever supportive compassion practice we've picked up. 

It's true that practices, if we have time for them, can be supportive. Here are a few of my favorites:

• Journaling

• Meditation(guided or silent)

• Writing down "the evidence" - a list of things that are evidence for a certain concept. For example, "why I'm a good copywriter"; the evidence could be things like my current client roster, the last positive feedback I heard, etc.

• Moving! I love a dance party

• Writing a letter to your younger self or your current self

• Writing down five things you genuinely love about who you are

The Connection between Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

Mindfulness is considered a cornerstone of self-compassion, particularly in the Buddhist tradition - although it's been adopted and popularized in the West.

This fundamental teaching of the Buddha, also called the "two wings" teaching, involves being present in the moment without judgment. This practice allows us to observe our thoughts and emotions with greater clarity and compassion for those thoughts. 

Self-Compassion at Work in Our Daily Lives

I wasn't too keen on how to write this piece. Like last week's piece, writing about anything in the health and wellness sphere, including self-compassion and self-care can feel like beating a dead horse.

I'm sharing this article with you because self-compassionate life matters to me. My life satisfaction has only increased since I discovered mindfulness and meditation practices that heavily lean on compassion practices like metta - which translates to lovingkindness. 

For the majority of my life, I have dealt with those self-deprecating thoughts I first shared with you, while pushing myself too hard and not knowing how to give myself true love. As I shared last week, buying things or experiences was how I dealt with difficult times.

The pandemic was not a fun time, but it did save me the expenses associated with a spring break trip I had planned to Switzerland my senior year I simply could not afford - all because I didn't know how to deal with my reality. 

I share that because I know I'm not alone in that experience. 

I also want you to know, if you don't, that self-compassion takes time to build. There's a difference between telling yourself you love yourself and feeling that, "Aha! I love myself!"

As freelancers, self-compassion may be the thing that keeps us from lighting it all on fire and walking away. 

As people who live and work in online spaces, self-compassion empowers us to show up as the people we are - not the people society or the algorithm would like us to be.

And I don't know if you've noticed, but we only have one life. And damn, it's short. Self-compassion gives us a light with which we can find joy in our realities, even if they aren't what we expected them to be, and joy in ourselves. 

This being human is not easy. But I know one thing: we need each other. For companionship, for meaning, to not feel so alone even though we each walk through our life being the only person who knows what it's like to be ... us. 

Last week I asked you to imagine what the world might look like if everyone took care of themselves. This week I'll take it a little further. 

What would the world look like if everyone loved themselves? Enjoyed their own company? Believed they were worthy of love? What kind of world would we live in?

I'd want to live there with you. 

P.S. If your SEO needs some compassion, let me know! I have room for one more SEO client.